From Beloved Friend: The Story of Tchaikovsky and Nadejda von Meck

I had mailed you a letter, my dear friend, just before receiving yours, which touched me deeply. The happiest moments of my life come when I see that my music enters deeply into the hearts of those I love, and whose sympathy is dearer to me than fame. Is it necessary to tell you that I love you with all my heart? Never before have I met a soul so closely related to mine or one that so sensitively responded to my every thought, every heartbeat. Your friendship has become as necessary as air. Whatever my thought, it always includes an image of my far-away friend, whose love and sympathy has become the cornerstone of my existence. When I compose, one idea is ever in mind—that you will hear and feel what I am writing, and this compensates in advance for all the misunderstanding, all the unjust and sometimes hostile opinions that I am fated to hear from the crowd; not only from the crowd, but from my so-called friends. In vain, do you imagine I can possibly find anything strange in the endearments you express in your letter? In accepting them from you I have only one fear—that I am not worthy of them. I say this, not as empty words or because of modesty, but simply because at such moments all my imperfections, all my weaknesses, appear in higher relief.

Tchaikovsky to Nadejda von Meck / Clarens / March 24, 1878

摘自《中外名人書信精編》第336頁

我剛寄了一封信給你，親愛的朋友，就接到你的信。這封信深深地感動我。當我知道我的音樂深深走進我所愛的人的心裡時這就是我一生最快活的時光，而它們的同情對於我比之名譽更感到親切。我也需要告訴你我是衷心地愛著你麼？我從沒有見過一個人對我這樣親切。從沒有遇見一個響應我每一個想頭和每一下心靈的搏動。你的友誼已經變成空氣一樣不可缺少了。無論我想什麼總要想起我遙遠的朋友，她的愛和她的同情已經變成我的存在的基石。我作曲的時候心裡總是想著——你一定會聽到和感到我所寫的是什麼。而且就預先抵著了一切的敵視和一切的誤解，這些意見是我注定了要從群眾那裡聽到的，不僅從群眾那里而且從我的所謂朋友那裡。你以為我對你信中所表示的親切會覺得奇怪麼？不會的，在接受之餘我只有一種恐懼，我怕我不配。我這樣說絕不是講空話，也並非因為我謙虛，只因為在這樣的時候我的一切弱點都會一齊出現了。

柴可夫斯基致梅克夫人／克拉倫斯／1878年3月24日